This week is just draining the life from me, which is slightly ironic as I'm currently creating life. The second trimester cannot get here soon enough. I'm tired all day regardless of how much food/sleep I get, to the point where I just don't even want to open my mouth to speak. Then again, maybe it's not that I don't want to speak but that I'm so burned out that I can't muster up the words, like now, my head just feels like it's buzzing and cloudy.
The morning sickness has let up the last two days though. I haven't felt the urge to throw up, but I'm still having a lot of trouble eating anything, even little snacks. Like with the last pregnancy, I just don't want food even if I'm absolutely starving.
Rylan's been getting his second tooth the last few days. He's not super upset and crying about it, and he can certainly eat. But he's sleeping less and less, and is consistently whiney all day. He's learned to bounce his head off the crib, or pack and play as a way to reroute his teething pain. A 10minute nap out of 9 hours however is completely unlike him, and unfortunately when I desperately need a nap. I just dont have the energy to talk or play with him as much lately, as I get super winded and have to sit or lie down to catch my breath after a few minutes.
If my physical ailments aren't enough to run me down, we also have financial issues arising. I'm a stay at home mom, trying to start a business and just about down to my last dollar from unemployment. I'm trying to find a part time job, but I'm very picky about where I work. This is because I know exactly who I am and how I act, and if I don't find the right job, I won't stay there long. I can really only take on a morning shift so Nick and I don't have to spend money we don't have on a sitter. I feel like if I just sold my car, I'd at least have my portion of rent for the next couple of months, but rent isn't enough to live on, specially with one growing baby needing food and clothing.
Speaking of clothing, I hate to be selfish here, but I wish I could buy things for myself. I didn't even when I did have money. It's so rare I spend money on myself, and it used to be something that made me happy. Two pairs of earrings for a total of $10 would make me feel pretty and flash for days. I feel guilty buying a $6 hair product I really want. I have 4 shirts, and 3 pairs of jeans that fit me. I bagged up all of my other clothes today to get rid of, there's no point in keeping them if they no longer fit my post pregnancy/newly pregnant body. I don't feel pretty anymore, at all, and I used to really pride myself on my appearance. I never wanted to fall into that messy hair/sweats category type of mom, yet I'm half way there. I understand you have to make sacrifices for your children and that's fine, I'm more than happy to, but at what point do I say "I NEED this for ME" I DESPERATELY need to feel like my old self again. I have zero confidence in my appearance. I never leave the house which has caused my anxiety to roll back around stronger than ever. It's so early on in this pregnancy and I already know a breaking point is just around the corner.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Let's Get This Rolling...
Hi there, friends, family and others who may stumble upon this page!
More than likely, if you're reading this, it's because we finally made the announcement of our 2nd child on the way. At this time, the only people who know are Nick and I, and we don't plan on letting you all know until the time is right. I can only hope that regardless of how any of you feel about our relationship together, our home situation, or anything that has happened in the past, that we have your FULL support. If that's not the case, and we'll eventually find out, then if you know who I am at all, you will also know that I will not tolerate the negativity and you can kindly step out of our lives, as well as our children's lives. That being said, let's move on...
Like I said, We're Pregnant With Number 2! And to be honest, this one wasn't planned by any means. Get over it. It took us less than 48 hours to come to terms with our unplanned future. But isn't that how they go? You can make all the plans you want for your future, but life is going to take you like a leaf in the wind. After we had Rylan, I specifically told Nick that any child we had in the future, unplanned, would simply be meant to be. We decided to have Rylan just 2 MONTHS after seeing each other. This pregnancy, was a complete surprise, and I see nothing wrong with that. We will not love this child any less. We will not see this child as a burden. I cannot speak for Nick because I don't exactly know his thoughts, but I'm honestly excited for the next baby DeMars. If you haven't already excused yourself, and yet still find faults in OUR relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend and mother/father of a single child, please do so now. I wish for nothing to do with you. We know it's going to be hard, but we also know that we are destined for one another. Too many times there have been quarrels and the sort that may have outsiders think otherwise, but I know, and Nick knows, that neither of us will live without the other. Period.
So for those of you that have decided to stay, and stand by our sides, THANK YOU! You've already seen what we can do with one little man, let's see what kind of joy we can bring to two young babes!
Speaking of young babes, Rylan, if you didn't know, or don't care to do the math by the time you read this post, he's 8 months old as of 3 days ago. He has one nubby tooth, and the start of his second. He can crawl, is starting to cruise, and babbling up a storm with his mini vocal chords. He has a variety of smiles, but it's his giggles that nearly make my heart explode. I do worry that maybe I'm taking away HIS moments, by carrying his brother or sister so early on in his life. I worry that he won't be my baby when the new baby is born. I worry that I'm somehow diminishing the amount of love I could possibly have for him by adding another into the mix. Then again, I see how much he loves other children of ALL ages. When I think about it, I see him absolutely adoring his younger brother or sister and bringing a different happiness to his face. I see these two kids growing up around the same age and loving life together, playing in the leaves together, taking care of one another, having a friend to go on rides with, etc. I wanted to wait about 5 years before the next, but I've come to terms that that's just not the case, so let's just look at the brightside. Mind you, as unusually optimistic as I am, I'm still scared. Am I ready to break up the fights? Do I have enough time for the both of them? Can we support two children? However, I know, and you all should know that Nick and I will be doing everything we can to keep these two happy at any cost, any sacrifice we have to make, so let us do the worrying.
All of that being said so far, let's move on to this pregnancy.
With Rylan, it was a seriously easy, simple, pregnancy/labor/delivery... but they always say the second is worse, and so far that's held true. I didn't have morning sickness until now, and boy is that fun! I don't throw up, but most of my day is spent trying to calm down the queasy. I also get headaches this time around, and of course I only recently bought a crap ton of Advil, when I'm pretty sure only Tylenol was okayed for me last time around. I don't have serious acne breakouts like I did with Rylan, so I guess that's pretty neat. Oh, and my boobs aren't shredding my bras apart this time. Unfortunately though, dinner is hit or miss, and we can only buy dinner just before we eat. Tonight, even though I wanted burritos earlier in the day, once Nick had made them, I had two bites (one of which I spit back onto my plate), and because we never have food in the house, he had to run back out to find something for me to eat. I'm guessing we conceived on Sept 19th, so it's still pretty early in the game to see how this pregnancy is going to go, but I'm not optimistic that it'll be easy by any means. It's late, and thought 3am used to be my usual bedtime, it became all too necessary to start going to bed around now, about 11pm. So, this is my new blog, I'll keep it around for now so that I can write down my thoughts and experiences with this pregnancy without exploding from keeping it all to ourselves. Don't worry though, in a few months you'll know too!
More than likely, if you're reading this, it's because we finally made the announcement of our 2nd child on the way. At this time, the only people who know are Nick and I, and we don't plan on letting you all know until the time is right. I can only hope that regardless of how any of you feel about our relationship together, our home situation, or anything that has happened in the past, that we have your FULL support. If that's not the case, and we'll eventually find out, then if you know who I am at all, you will also know that I will not tolerate the negativity and you can kindly step out of our lives, as well as our children's lives. That being said, let's move on...
Like I said, We're Pregnant With Number 2! And to be honest, this one wasn't planned by any means. Get over it. It took us less than 48 hours to come to terms with our unplanned future. But isn't that how they go? You can make all the plans you want for your future, but life is going to take you like a leaf in the wind. After we had Rylan, I specifically told Nick that any child we had in the future, unplanned, would simply be meant to be. We decided to have Rylan just 2 MONTHS after seeing each other. This pregnancy, was a complete surprise, and I see nothing wrong with that. We will not love this child any less. We will not see this child as a burden. I cannot speak for Nick because I don't exactly know his thoughts, but I'm honestly excited for the next baby DeMars. If you haven't already excused yourself, and yet still find faults in OUR relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend and mother/father of a single child, please do so now. I wish for nothing to do with you. We know it's going to be hard, but we also know that we are destined for one another. Too many times there have been quarrels and the sort that may have outsiders think otherwise, but I know, and Nick knows, that neither of us will live without the other. Period.
So for those of you that have decided to stay, and stand by our sides, THANK YOU! You've already seen what we can do with one little man, let's see what kind of joy we can bring to two young babes!
Speaking of young babes, Rylan, if you didn't know, or don't care to do the math by the time you read this post, he's 8 months old as of 3 days ago. He has one nubby tooth, and the start of his second. He can crawl, is starting to cruise, and babbling up a storm with his mini vocal chords. He has a variety of smiles, but it's his giggles that nearly make my heart explode. I do worry that maybe I'm taking away HIS moments, by carrying his brother or sister so early on in his life. I worry that he won't be my baby when the new baby is born. I worry that I'm somehow diminishing the amount of love I could possibly have for him by adding another into the mix. Then again, I see how much he loves other children of ALL ages. When I think about it, I see him absolutely adoring his younger brother or sister and bringing a different happiness to his face. I see these two kids growing up around the same age and loving life together, playing in the leaves together, taking care of one another, having a friend to go on rides with, etc. I wanted to wait about 5 years before the next, but I've come to terms that that's just not the case, so let's just look at the brightside. Mind you, as unusually optimistic as I am, I'm still scared. Am I ready to break up the fights? Do I have enough time for the both of them? Can we support two children? However, I know, and you all should know that Nick and I will be doing everything we can to keep these two happy at any cost, any sacrifice we have to make, so let us do the worrying.
All of that being said so far, let's move on to this pregnancy.
With Rylan, it was a seriously easy, simple, pregnancy/labor/delivery... but they always say the second is worse, and so far that's held true. I didn't have morning sickness until now, and boy is that fun! I don't throw up, but most of my day is spent trying to calm down the queasy. I also get headaches this time around, and of course I only recently bought a crap ton of Advil, when I'm pretty sure only Tylenol was okayed for me last time around. I don't have serious acne breakouts like I did with Rylan, so I guess that's pretty neat. Oh, and my boobs aren't shredding my bras apart this time. Unfortunately though, dinner is hit or miss, and we can only buy dinner just before we eat. Tonight, even though I wanted burritos earlier in the day, once Nick had made them, I had two bites (one of which I spit back onto my plate), and because we never have food in the house, he had to run back out to find something for me to eat. I'm guessing we conceived on Sept 19th, so it's still pretty early in the game to see how this pregnancy is going to go, but I'm not optimistic that it'll be easy by any means. It's late, and thought 3am used to be my usual bedtime, it became all too necessary to start going to bed around now, about 11pm. So, this is my new blog, I'll keep it around for now so that I can write down my thoughts and experiences with this pregnancy without exploding from keeping it all to ourselves. Don't worry though, in a few months you'll know too!
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